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Features Column 15 The word on the street and about you: Getting references and talking about a job gone bad

Dear Cathy,
How does one go about providing information and references from a 'job gone bad'? I am greatly concerned that this may cause problems in locating a new position. I know one should not say negative things about a past position, as it then reflects badly on the person him/herself. On the other hand, what do I say to prepare an interviewer for the possibility that most likely, when they contact [the president and my previous employer], they will not be told anything good, if he will even speak to them at all? My best idea so far is to have interviewers speak with the vice president, who tells me he is quite happy with my work and professional abilities. Do you have any suggestions about how to deal with this? What should I say in interviews, and how do I make the situation clear without jeopardizing my own position? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
—Anonymous

Ouch! You're in a sticky situation on a couple counts. But here's the good news: you clearly understand that references are really important and you're also aware that you should never badmouth a previous employer. The way in which you explain previous 'jobs gone bad' can have a significant impact on how your interviews go and even on getting a new job. I'm going to tackle these two separate but highly related topics consecutively. I'll begin with how to get references when your obvious reference is obviously not the one to use.

Many job applicants greatly underestimate the importance of being strategic in getting references. The reality is that savvy employers take references very seriously because they know that it's possible to learn an enormous amount about a candidate from them; a skilled interviewer can often tell how references really feel about candidates—regardless of what they say—by listening closely to how they answer questions and what they don't say. So, even if you didn't have such a delicate situation on your hands, it would be critical to think carefully about who to use as a reference.

Beep, beep, beep. Can you hear the alarms sounding? Your letter doesn't indicate that you definitely won't be using the president as a reference. I want to strongly encourage you not to! You don't want to risk losing the opportunity to start a great new job by using him, even though he was your supervisor and he's, well, the president. Rule Number 1 in the reference club: Never give someone as a reference who was not happy—if not extremely happy—with your work, no matter what their position in the organization or their relationship to you. I've been in this situation myself and I know that it can be quite frustrating when you feel like you did really great work—sometimes over the course of years—but the truth is that a bad reference can put a total kibosh on a new job, even if your interview(s) went well.

It's definitely a good idea to have a reference from your most recent job, so, if you can't use your supervisor there, then who can you provide? Your plan to ask someone else in the organization that has lovely things to say about you and who is also "up there" in the organizational hierarchy is a great idea. You may also want to see if there is a board member who could speak to your strengths. It's even better if whomever you ask has supervised you on a particular project or at least worked closely with you on a project or task. That way, they can speak directly to your shining qualities. You might also want to think about asking someone you've supervised in the past to be a reference (it's not appropriate to ask a current supervisee), especially if the position you're applying for will involve supervision—very satisfied supervisees can add an important dimension to your references. Be aware, however, that it's not very common to use supervisees as references so if you're applying to a more traditional organization, you may want to include them as a fourth reference.

Even if there is no one else in the organization or on the board with whom you've worked directly, it's still better to utilize someone with whom you have a good collegial relationship rather than a supervisor who may have a case of sour grapes. In this case, you might also want to think about calling on a colleague in a collaborating organization with whom you've worked very closely on a successful project to be your third or fourth reference. Nevertheless, I recommend having at least two of your references come from direct supervisors, if at all possible.

Bear in mind that you should have three or four professional references and that, optimally, they should all be previous supervisors, preferably for a few years each. However, if your most recent reference is a little more distantly connected to you, it won't stand out as much if your other references were supervisors and are really stellar. Similarly, if you were supervised by two of your references for three or more years, then it's less of an issue if one of them only supervised you for a year or so. Indeed, in selecting references, it's a good idea to think about assembling a diverse "reference team": put together a group of people who can speak to your broad array of strengths and major professional contributions over the course of your career and ultimately help future employers understand how you can benefit them.

If you're very new to the professional job scene, then it is appropriate—although not preferable—to provide someone who supervised you in volunteer work. However, if you don't have a lot of professional or volunteer experience, you may need to call on a supervisor from a fairly unrelated area, such as the restaurant business. While this is not ideal, it may be necessary and it is still possible to make a good impression on a potential employee with this kind of reference, especially if you did great work and your reference can highlight transferable skills (more on how you can help them to do this in a moment). Also, if you're recently out of college and don't have enough professional or volunteer references, you may need to use an academic reference. In addition to selecting a professor who loves your work, if at all possible, it's best to use someone from a course that is somehow connected to the area in which you're applying for a job.

A special note on personal references: nowadays, most nonprofit organizations look primarily or exclusively for professional references. But it's okay to use a personal contact if you have four or five references—just make it clear that they are, in fact, a personal, not professional, reference. The best personal references come from people who have known and admired you for a large part of your life and who have also had some kind of direct exposure to your professional work.

You're actually lucky to know up-front that your supervisor wouldn't give you a good reference. Most of the time, it's not so obvious there's an issue. Indeed, identifying what appears to be a good reference does not a good reference make. Just because someone has said nice things about your work in the past doesn't mean they will come across well as a reference.

Here's a little treasure from my own history to illustrate this point: in my first job fresh off the college boat, I had a supervisor for almost three years who liked my work, but was often stressed out and short with people (although relatively polite with me). I never gave a second thought to using her as a reference, but let me tell you, I should have! It turned out that, while speaking to my potential new employer, although she said nice enough things about my work, her delivery was rude. In fact, she was so rude that the employer told me never to use her as a reference again! I was really fortunate that my reference's style didn't offend this person (who actually became my new boss) to the point where it biased her perception of me. Also, I was lucky that my new boss gave me the heads-up about what happened during the call so that I knew never to use this reference again. The moral of my story is that if someone tends to be a bit gruff, unfocused, or perpetually pressed for time, they may not be the best choice as a reference, even if you know they like, or even love, your work.

But is it really possible to know whether a potential reference will be poised, articulate, and friendly? Well, there's no surefire way to know, but a good indicator is selecting folks who you've observed to have these qualities over a good period of time—usually a year or more. Additionally, if at all possible, try to choose individuals who you've heard talk to others about the quality of your work, or at least, who talk to you about this, so you have a real sense of what they might say to an employer. Knowing a potential reference's style and some of the content they might focus on will help you enormously when you prepare them to speak with your potential employer (more on this point in a moment), and also in strategizing about the references it would be best to give for certain jobs.

Most good references have more than enough examples of your brilliance that they can discuss with a potential new employer, so—if at all possible—you should provide them with information they can use to customize what they say for particular positions and organizations. Now, I'm definitely not inferring that you should feed your references lines about you, but it can be helpful to let them know the particular aspects of your work it would be most helpful for them to emphasize for specific jobs.

It's an especially good idea to send references the job posting as well as some brief information on the organization's mission and programs. There may be other key pieces of information you want to convey as well. For example, perhaps during the interview it became clear that the organization is looking for entrepreneurial staff or maybe they seem to be most in need of someone who knows how to outreach to marginalized communities. If your references know this information, they can choose to highlight the work you did that demonstrates your dynamic entrepreneurialism and/or outreach skills (if you, in fact, have those skills).

If you feel comfortable, you can also be slightly more directive and actually ask your reference if they could highlight particular skill sets or projects that you completed. Whether or not you do this depends mostly on the kind of relationship you have with a reference. It's important that you feel comfortable with what you say as you don't want to compromise a potentially long-term relationship.

Lastly, before you give someone as a reference for a particular job, check with them to make sure they are still available. If they are, let them know when they might expect to get a call. This check-in call is also your opportunity to give them additional information and/or to suggest that they highlight a particular aspect of your work.

You don't need to provide your potential employer with a lot of information on your references, but you should type up a simple sheet with the following details on each one:

Their full name
The exact nature of their relationship to you; for example, were they your direct supervisor, a board member, a colleague, or the Executive Director of the organization where you worked?
The dates you worked with or for them
Their current title
The name of their organization
The location of their organization
Their phone number; ask your references at what number they would like to be reached, and make sure not to list their cell phone number unless they've given you a specific okay to do so as you definitely don't want them to be caught at an inconvenient moment!
You may also want to provide your reference's email address, although it's not necessary

Here's an example of a clear and complete reference:

Virginia Woolf
Direct Supervisor, 2000-2003
Executive Director, A Room of One's Own Productions
New York, New York
212-555-1234 (office)

In the nonprofit world, written references in which a previous supervisor lauds your work in some detail are generally no longer used because the vast majority of employers prefer to speak to references. However, it's not necessarily a bad idea to add a written reference to your application—you just should know that it may not add much weight, unless it's really personalized, detailed, and outstanding.

Unless an organization asks you to include a list of references in your initial application, I generally recommend waiting until they make a specific request before sending yours so that you can customize your reference team. For example, perhaps someone you often use isn't able to speak as directly to the skill set that is crucial to the position as someone else who fits all the qualifications of a reference but isn't usually a regular on your team. Having a few "alternates" can also be really helpful if one of your regulars is not available for some reason.

Although you may never know if a potential employer talked with one of your references, it's a good idea to be very gracious and thankful when you let your references know that they might be getting a call. And it's always nice to let references know what the status of your search is or when you actually get a job! Ideally, references should be long-term, relatively active relationships, so you should stay in periodic contact with them over the years.

While it's fine to use the same references for a few years, it's a good idea to continually reach out to additional references for a couple of reasons. You always want references that have seen your most recent work, and it's always good to add to the group of people in your life who serve as cheerleaders. References can not only serve to provide verification during the job search process, but can also assist you in networking, in mentoring you through a rough patch in a particular job, or with an on-the-job question.

Well, it takes some real finesse to talk about your experience in a job gone bad. You actually don't want to make the situation too clear! If you do, you'll likely cast a heavy shadow over the positive flow of a good interview. Plus, there's really no way to explain a complicated, messy situation easily or quickly and you don't want to use up your precious interview time raking through the job gone bad coals when you could be talking about all the great ideas and innovations you've made in your career. At the same time, by avoiding any mention of your previous job, you risk not sharing some very positive skill development and projects. Worse still, you could raise the suspicion of your interviewer because your work history might seem to be missing something.

The trick is to talk about your previous work without going into too much detail or getting into the politics and personality of it all—easier said than done, especially if you frequently interfaced with the individual who was a, or the, major player in the job gone bad scenario! If you absolutely can't think of a way to give your interviewer a real sense of your previous work without touching on said individual, then you should frame your discussion by focusing on the skills you utilized and/or developed from dealing with a complex situation. You might want to provide as innocuous an example as you can of your ability to negotiate, empathize, or get work done, despite obstacles. For example, let's say that for some reason an interviewer asks you directly about your working relationship with the president. This isn't very likely to happen, but a small dose of disaster planning isn't a bad thing, if only because it might help you feel less self-conscious about what happened with him and avoid having an "Oh my God, not that!" facial expression if asked about him. You could start by saying something like:

We had pretty different working styles, which was challenging at times. But I really worked hard to keep my focus on delivering outstanding work. I'm particularly proud of x project which I'd love to share a bit of information about at this point, if I could.

or

We were not an optimal supervisor/supervisee fit. But I really deepened my skills in communicating openly and clearly and keeping my focus on the work rather than on our differences.

or

We were quite different professionally so I learned to assess what would be most helpful to him, then flexed to his needs as much as I could while always bearing in mind and working to fulfill my charge and any goals and outcomes I had committed to.

In all three statements, the individual is acknowledging that things were not peachy keen with his supervisor, but also that he was aware of the challenge and did his best to focus on doing his best work—not on getting caught up in blaming or trying to change his supervisor. The statements also pretty quickly shift the focus off the supervisory relationship onto the work. Almost all potential employers understand that not everyone is easy to work with and also that a new staff person will likely encounter some difficult situations on their new job, too. The key is always how you deal with difficulties, not that you never have them.

A special note on how to deal with talking about a previous job in which you were actually let go. Optimally, if it's at all possible not to mention that you were let go, by all means don't! At the same time, it's important to be prepared to say something brief about what happened as it's possible that you will be asked, and particularly likely that you'll be asked about your most recent jobs. The key to this preparation is managing any residual feelings of anger, shame, or general annoyance you have about the situation. Exactly how you respond to a potential employer's question depends on why you were let go.

If you were let go as a result of performance or another more personal issue, it takes real finesse to navigate explaining what happened. But it's still possible to do. As in the examples above, try to be as matter-of-fact as possible; don't get into the details or bemoan the situation. Instead, be sure that you acknowledge the difference between you and your supervisor or the organization's future directions and then quickly move into talking about what you accomplished on the job.

If you were let go because your organization was downsizing, you should relay some broad information without dwelling on what happened so that you don't leave a lot of questions hanging in the air. You might say something like:

The organization went through an in-depth strategic planning process and as a result decided to shift its focus from work with homeless teens to work with homeless adults.

or

The organization lost a major government grant and needed to cut some of its workforce so it decided to let go of all employees hired in the past year.

And, in both cases add:

But I was really grateful to have had the opportunity to complete some very exciting projects before I left, which I'd love to share a bit of information about at this point, if that's alright.

In a funny way, a job gone bad can become an opportunity to show your mettle and Emotional IQ to a potential employer, not to mention the opportunity to revitalize and expand your reference team. Lastly, in your case, it sounds like you did a lot of great work at the job you're leaving. I suggest focusing on that rather than the situation with your supervisor; as I've said before in this column, if you shift your focus away from what didn't work in a job, potential employers and colleagues are likely to do the same. I suspect that in the not-too-distant future, you'll find yourself in a new position that could very well become a job gone good!