In his guide to staying empathetic and self-aware in conflict, our staff writer Angel Eduardo outlined three ideas that can help to keep difficult conversation healthy, respectful, and productive. 

• Things are complicated: Much of our public discourse depends on distilling people, ideas, and arguments into easily digestible headlines, soundbites, and narratives. Don’t fall for that. None of us are two-dimensional—we’re all people here. 

• Compassion matters: Remember, we didn’t always know what we know now. We can all remember moments when someone offered us compassionate guidance rather than righteous condemnation, and can easily see how it helped us grow.

• Try and stay mindful: To keep the conversation productive, take note of topics that get you riled up, and take a break when you find yourself getting agitated. And take special care when arguing in public, where things can escalate quickly. 

Remember, you are not your opinions. Conversations go more smoothly when you both feel respected and you’re focused on discussing ideas, not tearing each other down. Here’s some language you can try (courtesy of Brené Brown, vulnerability expert): 

• “Help me understand….”

• “Walk me through that.”

• “That’s not my experience.”

• “Tell me why this doesn’t work for you."

Check out our tips for planning kind confrontations with colleagues, and Angel's guide to having difficult conversations.

A few times a month, Living Room Conversations creates a virtual space for people to have difficult conversations, productively. Using discussion guides created by dialogue experts, 4-6 people meet in person or by video for 60-90 minutes “to listen to and be heard by others on one of nearly 100 topics” and to find common ground, despite differences. 

Upcoming conversations to join: Media and Polarization, Unity, and America We Want to Be: Founding Aspirations

If you can’t join a conversation, you can still explore the ever-growing topic list and use the expert discussion guides to start your own chats or volunteer!